Archive for the ‘Under 3-year-olds’ Category
Children’s sexuality from birth to puberty
Regular readers of this blog may know (or maybe not?) that I have written a popular parenting book on children’s sexual development.
It’s titled From Birth to Puberty – Helping your child develop a healthy sexuality.
It features the topics that I have blogged here in more depth, with case studies and questions and answers. Order a copy from suntime(at)fastmail.fm
Values and sexuality #3
In the last two posts I’ve used David and Louise’s case to illustrate the issues that can develop in a relationship when the first child is born.
Individuality
The tendency for family togetherness exists alongside the need for individuality.
Family members are very different from each other. They may not be aware of many of the differences, especially at the beginning of a marriage or partnership.
When two people enter a relationship they are usually inclined to think they are similar, and of course this is often why they are attracted to each other in the first place. However some of the differences between partners can mean they will have different ideas about parenting, including what sexuality values they would like their children to adopt, and on how to communicate these values to their children.
In David and Louise’s case, the differences over Ben led David to do more on his own, outside the family.
He needed to have time out for himself.
It was his way of trying to achieve a balance between his need for individuality and the need for family togetherness. He also had a need to feel that Louise valued his parenting views.
Doing things individually is good for each parent’s personal growth and while it develops individuality it needs to be balanced with doing things with the family. This will avoid developing isolation which causes problems in a relationship.
Should my son be circumcised?
Jane’s husband Bob, 40, was circumcised as a baby and had an expectation that his new son James would also have the operation. Bob was surprised when told by the doctor that the operation was no longer standard procedure and would not be performed at the unit where his son was born.
Circumcision is the complete or partial removal of the foreskin of the penis. The operation is usually performed a few days after birth. When your first son is born you may not have given much thought to a decision about circumcision. You may feel pressured into making a hasty decision. You may feel that you have little choice as circumcision is not a routine procedure in many hospitals.
In the operation the foreskin is cut to allow it to be pulled back behind the glans (head) of the penis. The foreskin consists of a double layer of skin that, without circumcision, covers the glans. Until recently in Western countries the operation has been widely practiced as a hygienic procedure. In many hospitals it has been routinely performed on newborn boys. It is estimated that circumcision occurs in about one sixth of the world’s population and is probably the oldest surgical operation, dating back some 6000 years to ancient Egypt. Overall, the medical value of circumcision may be highest in places or countries where poverty and disease make good standards of hygiene difficult. Recent research has found that circumcised men have a lower risk of HIV infection compared to uncircumcised men in parts of Africa.
Parents may request circumcision for religious reasons. For traditional Jewish and Muslim families, circumcision is a religious duty, usually done shortly after birth or sometimes in childhood. In other cultures circumcision is part of a ritual performed at puberty, representing the end of childhood and the beginning of manhood. Other reasons people ask for their boys to be circumcised are because they believe circumcision will prevent disease, reduce masturbation, reduce sexual desire, as a treatment for bed-wetting or is necessary because the foreskin is too long.
The operation is now performed in Australia, New Zealand and the UK if it is in the interests of the child, not the parents. As in other areas of medicine the trend is to avoid unnecessary intervention. The main medical reason to circumcise is when the foreskin prevents the normal flow of urine.
