Archive for the ‘Preschoolers’ Category
Children’s sexuality from birth to puberty
Regular readers of this blog may know (or maybe not?) that I have written a popular parenting book on children’s sexual development.
It’s titled From Birth to Puberty – Helping your child develop a healthy sexuality.
It features the topics that I have blogged here in more depth, with case studies and questions and answers. Order a copy from suntime(at)fastmail.fm
Sexual development in 4 to 5-year-olds
By age four to five most children will:·
- Be conscious of how their body functions and how it appears to others
- Ask where babies come from and how they were born
- Play games like doctor, ‘examining’ their playmates bodies
- Have erections or vaginal lubrication
- Touch their genitals for pleasure
- Know their own gender and be able to recognise males and females
- Begin to recognise traditional male and female gender roles
Guiding a child’s learning about sexuality involves many different parenting skills. While the posts in this blog involve children’s sexual development, you also need an understanding of the physical and emotional development of children from birth through adolescence. It also requires the ability to have open and honest conversations, in spite of any embarrassment you may feel.
It helps if you are clear about your own values and attitudes toward sexuality and are willing to talk about them with your partner or other adults. You can then confidently share your family values with your child.
Even at this age what you think and feel about children’s sexuality has a strong influence on how you respond to your child’s sexual behaviour. Your experience of sexuality as a child, what your own parents said and did, your religious beliefs and cultural background, all contribute.
Responding to your child in an open honest way will help them feel good about their sexuality. You risk making them feel ashamed or guilty by responding to them in a negative way, or showing that you are not willing to talk about sexuality issues.
Preschoolers in the bathroom
When I was 5 years old I knew my brothers could stand to urinate so I decided to try myself. I tried to direct the stream into the toilet but it seemed to go everywhere. My mother accused my older brothers of the mess with such venom that I was too frightened to own up to it. My brothers were in trouble bigtime. We laughed about it later though.
-Stormee, young mother
Pre-schoolers are usually not modest about their bodies and like being naked. However children who observe adults being modest may start demanding privacy when dressing or using the bathroom. This behaviour is often inconsistent, as it is more about modelling adult behaviour than modesty. They become very interested in bathroom words and in what other people do in bathrooms and toilets. They are curious about the different positions men and women take when they use the toilet and will talk about it. For example, “Why do boys stand to pee?” Most girls will try to stand at least once when urinating.
