Fathers and intimacy
Larry cared for his daughter Kate during the day, fitting his work on their farm around the time she was at kindergarten. Sometimes Kate asked her friend Vicky to come and play at her house. Larry became aware that Vicky’s mother was hesitating to agree to this. He sensed her anxiety about having them alone with him on the farm. He became fearful that if Vicky’s mother accused him of wrongdoing he would have no witnesses to support him. He made a decision not to have other children to play at home with Kate unless another adult was present.
Men like Larry who care for children alone may feel they need to be more cautious when their children’s friends come home to play. Larry decided to make sure other adults were present when Kate had her friends home to play. He could also have talked to Vicky’s mother about her fears. Larry is a great role model for Kate and her friends in his caring for the children and it would be beneficial for all of them if he continued. Talking about it to other men who are in a similar situation would also be helpful.
People have become increasingly aware of child abuse and many agencies are working together to identify and reduce the problem. Fathers need to be aware that there have been cases in which a father’s behaviour has been misinterpreted and false allegations of sexual abuse made. Unfortunately this possibility has caused some fathers to withdraw the intimacy they have previously enjoyed with their children. This in turn has a negative effect on the relationship between the father and his child. It also reinforces the male stereotype that men are not as competent as women in the nurturing and caring role for children. It is very important that you as a father continue to show affection to your child and take a positive role in the caring of your child.
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